my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
