My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Say something about gay babies.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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