Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
