Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize