I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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