I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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