im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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