I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize