I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
