Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
