Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
