I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
