i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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