I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
