I'm passing your future prison.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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