so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
