there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
