Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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