i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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