laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
