I could make wine with my vomit
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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