Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
