Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
