That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
