Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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