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i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
This toilet bowl is my home.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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