All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Boobs are out for the taking
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
