bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
