my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
