You just made me feel so damn special
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
