About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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