Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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