That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
