I met the friendliest cop last night
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
