yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This is the high leading the old right now
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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