Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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