Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
