if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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