Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
