I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
