In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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