Banned from zoo.
Again?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
