There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
