ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
