Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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