I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
pray to the hookup gods
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
