so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
