yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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