so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
