It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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