Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
