Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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