Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
