hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
