The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
