just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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