So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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