Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
