I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
