Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
