Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
