please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize