Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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