I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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