Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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